Sober approach to romantic relations: COUCH tips

At the beginning of a romantic relationship, we often lose our heads. We do not see and do not want to see the obvious. How to see a person and prevent emotions from drowning out the voice of the mind, which is important to pay attention to, meeting a possible partner, the psychologist and coach Marty Nemko will tell.


for a date and starting a new relationship, many of us would be happy to hear good advice. The psychologist, coach and author of the book “How to live: what you were not taught at school” Marty Nemko on the basis of the practice and stories of customers made a list of effective tips that could be given in such a situation.


Online dating. “Online is usually better,” says Marty Nemko. Of course, there, as in life, unpleasant situations happen. But in comparison with other options, this works best. And it is not surprising, because the online format is easy to control, in addition, employed modern people usually difficult everything over time for offline exits.

Keys to successful online leading:

  • Do not cunning, it is better to be honest in what kind of strengths and weaknesses we have and preferences.
  • Adhere to high standards. If we feel that a person is not suitable, you should not waste time communicating with him: «There is still a lot of fish at sea».

Acquaintance through friends. The second effective way to meet someone special is to set up to search for our friends and relatives whom we trust. They know us and will be happy to take care.

And, of course, this path is better than going alone to the club, bar or offline events like “Fast dates”. It is worth trying to overcome shyness in this matter and talk to friends, in fact, most will enjoy such help.


According to the coach, we are talking about the balance:

  • Equally ask, listen, watch a person and manifest yourself.
  • Be moderately frank, especially at the beginning, without opening completely. This may apply to sexual communication. It is better to do everything gradually, if it turns out.
  • This is a conversation, not a lecture. Practical rule: most of the replicas should last from 10 to 60 seconds.
  • The conversation must be deepened slowly. You can start with the topic of work and interests, family, and then values. It is important to be attentive to yourself and the interlocutor and, accordingly, reactions to manage the «settings» of the conversation.

Conceived assessment

The first months is difficult to think rationally and look at a person soberly. The most successful in love customers of the psychologist kept the balance between the mind and heart, that is, in the process of communication they did not forget to evaluate:

  • sexual compatibility;
  • compatibility outside the bed;
  • kindness;
  • emotional and financial independence.

Relations are often destroyed if one of the partners has overstated expectations for servicing their own needs by another person. Conflicts are possible due to the imbalance of power, money or the need for attention. Ask yourself questions:

  • Whether a person notices the best in a partner?
  • Is it good for us with this person?
  • Whether we want with this person of monogamous relations, we will parallel to look for someone else or are ready to part?

The coach recommends making a choice: accept or part. Nemko customers, successful in their personal lives, try to prevent the unpleasant relationship with them to continue. They either accept a person as he is, either part. Chances to somehow “repair”, change a person during a reasonable time too small.


Even if children are planned, the advantages of marriage should be very carefully balanced, because it implies obligations – not only in the face of the law, but also in connection with the expectations of family and friends. In certain circles, divorce is considered unacceptable. It is assumed that people will remain together forever, even if their relationship is unlucky.

“I saw how many couples decided to marry or save a marriage due to the expectations of society,” writes Nemko. – This article will be incomplete if I do not emphasize the obvious: marriage and stay in it are too important to allow social standards to put pressure on you. Given all facts and feelings, ask yourself: is it reasonable and legally to take the obligation to be related to life?»


Happy romantic relationships can give a lot of positive emotions and become an important resource in everyone’s life. “I hope that my tips will help and open good prospects for those who are on the search,” Marty Nemko summarizes.

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